Nobody wins when the family feuds.
Let me tell you a story about a house.
Not just any house — but the big house. The house where my cousins spent summers running barefoot through the yard, where Sunday dinners stretched late into the evening, filled with laughter and the smell of southern cooking and my great-aunt’s White Diamonds perfume. A house full of memories, history and love.
And then, it became a legal battlefield.
For 10 years, members of my family were locked in a legal tug-of-war over what should have been a simple inheritance. A decade of court hearings, heated phone calls and strained relationships — all because no one had a plan.
When there’s no will, what is the way?
My great-aunt never wrote a will. Like so many elders in our Virginia community, she had every intention of “getting around to it,” but life — and then, suddenly, death — got in the way.
Without a will, the house didn’t automatically pass to the one grandchild who had lived there the longest, nor to the family members who had taken care of my aunt in her final years. Instead, the courts followed the rigid rules of intestate succession — the legal process that determines who inherits what when there’s no will in place.
As my colleague, Financial Capability Director Molly Barackman-Eder says, “It’s important to note that the laws around inheritance can differ by state or even by county.” She points out that it’s important for people to talk to their local housing counseling organizations or local legal aid groups. “Find out the policies and resources in your specific community.”
In other words, it’s important to find out the rules for where you live. But let me tell you, those rules do not account for family dynamics.
Relatives who hadn’t stepped foot in my aunt’s house in years were suddenly entitled to a piece of it. Some wanted to keep the home, others wanted to sell and a few were just in it for whatever the house and land were worth. Meanwhile, legal fees piled up, the house sat untouched, and what should have been a smooth transition turned into a drawn-out, emotionally draining ordeal.
The high cost of doing nothing
Many people assume that estate planning is something only the wealthy need to worry about. They think of trusts and tax shelters, imagining that their modest home or bank account doesn’t warrant that level of preparation. But the reality is, not having a plan can be far more costly—both financially and emotionally.
Over those 10 years, I watched our family dynamic shift.
- Legal fees drained thousands of dollars that could have been used to maintain the home or passed down as generational wealth.
- The house fell into disrepair as the probate process dragged on, making it harder to keep or sell.
- Relationships suffered. Long-standing bonds were broken, with cousins who once considered each other siblings barely speaking anymore.
And all of this could have been avoided with a simple estate plan.
Lessons we learned the hard way
If there’s one thing I took from this experience, it’s this: don’t leave your family to figure it out after you’re gone. Here’s what I wish we had known before my great-aunt passed:
A Will Is Not Optional
If you own anything — a home, a car, a savings account, even a collection of family heirlooms — you need a will. Without one, your state’s laws will determine what happens, and those laws don’t take into account personal relationships, verbal promises or sentimental attachments.
Titles Matter
Many families assume that if someone has been living in a home for years, they have legal ownership. Not true. The name of the current resident must be on the title for the home to be legally obligated to them. Transferring property while you’re alive or setting up a clear inheritance plan can help to avoid probate headaches later.
Avoid the Heirs’ Property Trap
When multiple people inherit a home without a clear agreement (i.e. a will or trust or the name of the resident on the official deed), it becomes what’s known as heirs’ property. Heirs’ property is vulnerable to outside investors looking to buy shares of family land for cheap, is at a greater risk of property tax foreclosure, and may not be eligible for loans that use property as collateral.
Probate Court Is a Slow and Expensive Process
Without a will, the property goes through probate court, which can take years (or in my cousins’ case, a decade). During that time, property taxes and maintenance costs don’t stop — and if heirs can’t agree, legal battles drag on indefinitely.
Families Must Have the Hard Conversations
No one wants to talk about death. But leaving these discussions for later often means leaving your loved ones with confusion, conflict, and unnecessary legal battles. Have the conversations now — about who will inherit the house, how it will be maintained, and what each person’s expectations are.
The ending we didn’t expect
After 10 years, the house was finally awarded to one of my cousins — the one who had been living there and caring for it and continues to, even still today. But by then, the damage had already been done. Some family members stopped speaking to each other altogether. Others were left with resentment that will likely never fade.
And my great-aunt’s home? It stood there, empty for far too long, its walls holding the echoes of a family that had once been close but had now grown distant.
Protect your family, protect the legacy
This story isn’t unique. Across the country, particularly in Black communities and areas of limited opportunity, families lose generational wealth every day — not just because they don’t have it, but because they do have it and don’t have a plan to keep it.
- So when it comes time to gather together and decide whether take an investor's offer, don’t just sell the big house — protect it.
- Write the will.
- Transfer the title.
- Have the tough conversations now, before they become courtroom debates later.
Because, at the end of the day, no one wins when the family feuds.
If this story sounds familiar, if you’ve seen or experienced the struggles of property inheritance firsthand, or if you’re a housing counselor and you’re wondering how to help a client navigate this process, you don’t have to start from scratch. NeighborWorks America is here to help.
In conversations with the NeighborWorks network, “inheritance, including estate planning and title clearing, often comes up alongside topics like wealth building, housing stability, disaster recovery and neighborhood maintenance,” Molly points out.
Several NeighborWorks organizations have developed successful models – like NHS of Baltimore, which connects residents with pro-bono attorneys for legal aid on estate matters. “And even more are eager to learn,” Molly says. “We understand that addressing these issues is complex and requires collaboration across various sectors. Conversations are important first steps."
On Feb. 12, NeighborWorks America will host a Property Inheritance Intensive during the NeighborWorks Training Institute in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. This one-day event, sponsored by the TD Charitable Foundation on behalf of TD Bank, will provide real examples of families collectively managing property; cross-sector strategies to bring government, research, community development, and legal aid expertise together to address heirs’ property in Philadelphia; philanthropy building capacity in communities to tackle heirs’ property; and protecting generational wealth in specific communities like Puerto Rico and Native American land.
NeighborWorks will continue the conversation with a special symposium in August at our next National Training Institute in New Orleans.
Programs and convenings like these are valuable and necessary to find the best way to help our communities ensure that the homes they inherit don’t become the homes they lose.
Arian Tyler is NeighborWorks America’s director of communications. The advice offered here is rooted in her personal experience and not the coursework of NeighborWorks America.
